Well come on everybody, lets move-it-and-a-groove it...
Im so unbeleivably chuffed - this weekend I managed to see four seperate gigs in three days, totalling something in the area of 22 bands. I am now officially guilty of music gluttony.
'They Stood Out' awards should be duly doled out to Bo Deadly, Jackie Treehorn, Massacre On The Fjords, Peepshow (minus the porn lyrics), Secta Rouge, Shitball and the Poisoning - all massive high points in ma weekend.
Oftentimes the best thing you can do at a gig is just hang back and watch the crowd (Oscar Wilde said something like - I hope you have enjoyed the show half as much as you have enjoyed each other). Heres a few phenomena you should watch for next time you're out at a show...
1 - The invariably steaming mate/family member loyaly going mental front and centre on their own as their mate/family members band goes through the motions on stage. Whereupon love has blinded the partaker as to whether the band is actually any good or not and (by means of loyal, determined and sustained example) they resolve to entice the crowd to rock out with maximum effect. The crowd invarialby regards said athletic individual with a mix of confusion and fear.
2 - The tactical mosh. Whereupon the next band due on go absolutely nuts and freak out like whirling dervishes during the last song of the band that immediately precede their own show. The aim is twofold... they hope, much like the poor individual in figure '1', that they may tempt the crowd to a frenzied state in time for their arrival on stage (never thinking that the 25 minutes they take to set up will afford ample opportunity for the crowd to dissapate - they where only there to see thir own mates band anyway). Also, they hope that the first band (and possibly all their mates), will reciprocate. This unspoken collusion, or 'pity mosh' as I have named the phenomena, is often seen at gigs where noone has brought any mates and the bands paly to each other.
3 - Partisan crowd tourism. Whereupon those attending the event watch only one band and spend the rest of the show shamlesly ligging or simply leave straight away. This shames the band they saw and is frankly stupid. Almost exclusively perpitrated by people who dont actually like music and only came out to silence the constant reminders that 'uv got tickets oan me if y' want wan the noo!'.
4 - The dummy fight (commonly referred to as the 'Livi swim-pit'). Where upon several audience members (for reasons a varied as boredom, an offensive band or just for a giggle), group together and madly wrestle like greased hillbilly's untill theres naught but a pile of bodies like the worst playground pile up you've ever seen or imagined.
5 - The vastly innapropriate mosher. Whereupon someone with very little clue wellies in and just starts hitting people. Much like figure '4' but with more nosebleeds and less fun. The partaker generally thinks he is 'puer mental, ken?', and spends all his time trying to maintain eye contact with the mates he's trying to impress. Often only one alcopop away from total colapse anyway, their exhuberent bluster usually blows itself out within half a song and they spent the rest of the night on the street looking for the oppertunity to hospitalise a random passer by having been dragged out by their mates.
6 - The punter spotter. Whereupon you spend as much time watching the punters as you do the band. Happy spotting :)
'They Stood Out' awards should be duly doled out to Bo Deadly, Jackie Treehorn, Massacre On The Fjords, Peepshow (minus the porn lyrics), Secta Rouge, Shitball and the Poisoning - all massive high points in ma weekend.
Oftentimes the best thing you can do at a gig is just hang back and watch the crowd (Oscar Wilde said something like - I hope you have enjoyed the show half as much as you have enjoyed each other). Heres a few phenomena you should watch for next time you're out at a show...
1 - The invariably steaming mate/family member loyaly going mental front and centre on their own as their mate/family members band goes through the motions on stage. Whereupon love has blinded the partaker as to whether the band is actually any good or not and (by means of loyal, determined and sustained example) they resolve to entice the crowd to rock out with maximum effect. The crowd invarialby regards said athletic individual with a mix of confusion and fear.
2 - The tactical mosh. Whereupon the next band due on go absolutely nuts and freak out like whirling dervishes during the last song of the band that immediately precede their own show. The aim is twofold... they hope, much like the poor individual in figure '1', that they may tempt the crowd to a frenzied state in time for their arrival on stage (never thinking that the 25 minutes they take to set up will afford ample opportunity for the crowd to dissapate - they where only there to see thir own mates band anyway). Also, they hope that the first band (and possibly all their mates), will reciprocate. This unspoken collusion, or 'pity mosh' as I have named the phenomena, is often seen at gigs where noone has brought any mates and the bands paly to each other.
3 - Partisan crowd tourism. Whereupon those attending the event watch only one band and spend the rest of the show shamlesly ligging or simply leave straight away. This shames the band they saw and is frankly stupid. Almost exclusively perpitrated by people who dont actually like music and only came out to silence the constant reminders that 'uv got tickets oan me if y' want wan the noo!'.
4 - The dummy fight (commonly referred to as the 'Livi swim-pit'). Where upon several audience members (for reasons a varied as boredom, an offensive band or just for a giggle), group together and madly wrestle like greased hillbilly's untill theres naught but a pile of bodies like the worst playground pile up you've ever seen or imagined.
5 - The vastly innapropriate mosher. Whereupon someone with very little clue wellies in and just starts hitting people. Much like figure '4' but with more nosebleeds and less fun. The partaker generally thinks he is 'puer mental, ken?', and spends all his time trying to maintain eye contact with the mates he's trying to impress. Often only one alcopop away from total colapse anyway, their exhuberent bluster usually blows itself out within half a song and they spent the rest of the night on the street looking for the oppertunity to hospitalise a random passer by having been dragged out by their mates.
6 - The punter spotter. Whereupon you spend as much time watching the punters as you do the band. Happy spotting :)
posted by Dougleross at 12:40 am
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